Isn't it amazing how you can go to church, not even knowing what the Pastor is going to say... and some how the message just hits home for you? This has happened to me so. many. times. You know, I'm not gonna lie- at first it just seemed bizarre. But now, I look forward to it. It helps give me perspective. It helps teach me HOW to handle certain situations. And it gives me a better understanding of why things are, the way they are. Or why things happen the way they do.
I attend church TWICE on Sundays now. First, in person at our new church home, Shore Fellowship, here in New Jersey. And then again, once we get home online; live streaming the service from Bay Area Fellowship, our church back in Texas. Now don't get me wrong, I like our new church here. BUT I really miss our old church back in Corpus Christi even more.
Anywho, Pastor Bil (from BAF) has been doing a series on HOW TO BE A GIANT KILLER for the past 4 weeks now. The first week was "How To Overcoming A Broken Family"; talking about how to overcome the deep wounds that a broken family struggles with. The second week was on "Overcoming Your Biggest Obstacle"; teaching us that obstacles are opportunities for us to better ourselves and to grow stronger. Last week was on how to "Slay Your Greatest Fears"; basically how we shouldn't be afraid to be passionate about what we do so that we can give it our all and take our lives to the next level.
Today's message was about "Anger & Forgiveness" and how we should handle it. This particular message really spoke to me because I could relate to it. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a temper. I can get really hot headed and respond inappropriately when I'm upset. Anger does that. It makes us do things or saying things that we don't really mean. Things that we later regret. What begins in anger, usually always ends in shame. It taught me that I need to deal with my anger and not ignore it. It also taught me that I need to be more forgiving. The bible is VERY clear, God says we need to forgive those who anger us and those who hurt us. Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. It means that you have simply made the choice to allow yourself to move forward and not let anger consume you.
"...forgive us of our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us."
- Luke 11:4
One of the problems with anger- is the person you forgive. They end up turning around and hurting you again... and again... and again. You in return forgive them again... and again... and again. The hits keep on coming and it's tough to deal with when they are constantly hurting you and offending you. It ends up feeling like a situation that you just can't get around. Like no matter what you do, it's never enough... but you should forgive anyways.
It is God's will to forgive. And not because they deserve it. But because you deserve it. Your future deserves it. Your family deserves it. And your destiny deserves it. Anger is what holds you back when you don't forgive. It's not about whether or not they deserve it; they may never deserve it. You can't always wait for them to apologize. Because sometimes it just doesn't happen. And if you do wait for that to happen in order to forgive them you could be waiting a really long time. Which in return makes you miserable. So you just need to choose to forgive them.
"We don't always deserve forgiveness... but Jesus forgives us anyways."
"We need to give forgiveness freely because forgiveness has always been given freely to us by the Lord."
Anger causes emotional turmoil and that's not healthy for anyone. Sometimes I ask the Lord why He would allow us to be around someone that is so difficult? Why wouldn't He just remove them from our lives? But there is a reason He doesn't. It's because there is something we need to learn from that difficulty. There is something we can never become without that pain.
For example, I often find myself wondering why I got stuck with such an emotionally dead parent? It's because God knew what my future was going to be, way before I did. He knew that I was going to be a mom to three little girls and so HE was preparing me and shaping me to be a great parent. (I know I'm not a perfect parent, no parent is. I make mistakes too. But I know for certain that I am a better parent to my kids then my own parents could have ever dreamt to be to me and my siblings. That's a fact!) I also think He used my parents as an example of what a marriage shouldn't be like. Showing me qualities that I wouldn't want for my own marriage, one day. These difficulties, like all difficulties, have a purpose. The pain you endure isn't for nothing. It all helps shape your character. It shows you what you can become; in a positive way.
Everything I am dealing with in my life, God is already aware of it. He is the one who helps me grow through the pain and the hurt. It's not fair but who ever said this life was fair? Who promised us fairness in a sinful world? No one. It has never been fair.
No matter where you go in life. Where you live. What you do. Or where you work. There is always going to be that person who is a complete and utter mess. Someone who causes problems. Someone who will drive you crazy. And someone who is difficult... so be forgiving.
Be forgiving and voice your fustration, if need be. It's a normal, healthy coping mechanism. Don't soak it all up because then you just become bitter and unpleasant. You need to unmask your anger. See it for what it really is... disappointment.
"Hope deferred, makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life."
- Proverbs 13:12
Translation:
I had an expectation... and you didn't keep it.
I had an assumption that you were going to do certain things... and you didn't do it.
I had an assumption you wouldn't do certain things... and you went ahead and did them.
Anger is unmet expectations. We shouldn't just assume things because then we're just setting ourselves up for disappointment. I know I have made the mistake of assuming things several times. Like the relationship between my dad and I. It's no secret that it is pretty much non existent. I always assumed that since he is my parent that he would love me unconditionally. I assumed that he would always be there for me whenever I needed him. And my latest assumption was that if I stopped trying so hard to MAKE him love me the way I wanted to be loved and stopped FORCING him to be apart of my life and his granddaughters life... that maybe HE would TRY ON HIS OWN. But he never did and for a long time, I struggled with hurt & anger. Isn't it amazing how ONE person can cause so much pain in your life? Our last conversation, I will never forget. But it was in that moment that I decided there needed to be a change. I was SO fed up with the situation and yet I didn't know what to do. I needed help... and who better to ask for help, then God?
So I prayed about it. I decided to put our father/daughter relationship in His hands. And that's when I realized that I needed to forgive. Not for him but for me. I owed that much to myself. For my sanity. For my health. And for my well being. It wasn't okay for me to lower my standards because someone else was acting unfavorably.
"I, the Lord, will take revenge: I will pay them back. In due time their feet will slip. Their day of disaster will arrive, and their destiny will overtake them. Indeed, the Lord will give justice to His people."
-Deuteronomy 32:35-36
"Don't be bitter, be better"
-Pastor Bil
Just like a sponge soaking up water... we, soak up anger. But eventually we need to release it. Get it out in the open. Rid our minds of it. So you can free yourself of the anger and be able to breathe again. Because it's unnecessary and pointless to hold it in. You're just depriving yourself of time that can be spent else where; in a positive way.
For me, forgiveness was the only answer. I wanted to put an end to the anger. For me AND for my daughters. Believe it or not, anger can be just as damaging as alcohol or drug abuse. And it too can be past down from generation to generation. That is NOT something I want for my girls. I don't want to be source of generations of lives being ruined all because I didn't know how to deal with my anger.
THAT is why it is such a huge deal for me to forgive. Even when I don't think someone deserves it. I deserve it. My beautiful little girls deserve it. My husband deserves it and our futures deserve it. God has so many amazing plans for us and it would be nice to be able to enjoy them and breathe again. It's time for me to let go of the anger, learn how to live in a perpetual state of forgiveness, and limit my exposure to the people who cause me the most pain.
I choose to live in forgiveness!
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